Muslim Woman Can't Wear Bikini in Front of Bride's Gay Best Friends, Cut from Bachelorette

A Muslim woman worries she was in the wrong after refusing to wear a bikini to her sister-in-law's bachelorette party. While the tale instantly blew up on Reddit with thousands of comments and even more upvotes, the veracity of the post is impossible to verify as it was shared to an anonymous forum.

The now-demoted bridesmaid worried she was in the wrong amid accusations of homophobia and her mother-in-law insisting she was "purposefully being difficult" -- but the internet overwhelmingly took her side

A Muslim woman worries she was in the wrong after refusing to wear a bikini to her sister-in-law's bachelorette party.

While the tale instantly blew up on Reddit with thousands of comments and even more upvotes, the veracity of the post is impossible to verify as it was shared to an anonymous forum.

Regardless of exactly how true the entire saga is, the Reddit community certainly felt passionate about the detailed narrative that had plenty of twists and turns.

The woman, who converted to Islam as an adult during an admittedly difficult time in her life, said that while her sister-in-law agreed to her wearing a modest bridesmaid dress and hijab to the actual wedding she insisted she wear a bikini to her bachelorette party.

This is where the family drama began.

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Original post: 'AITA for asking for a dress code exception and ruining my relationship with my SIL?'

"I (F28) am a Muslim woman. I was not raised Muslim, but I converted during a difficult time in my life and I honestly believe it saved me.

"My husband (M30) was there for me during this time, and has always understood my reasons and is very supportive despite being an atheist himself.

"My husband's sister (F24) is getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid, which I am thrilled to do. We have chosen a modest dress which I can wear with a hijab, and there are no qualms on that front.

"The issue comes with her bachelorette party. She wants a Vegas themed party and all the girls must wear bikinis in coordinating colours. Now, I wouldn't mind this if I was just in the company of women, but I cannot show my body off in front of men, and two of the bridesmaids are my SIL's gay best friends (M24 and M25).

"These two guys are lovely and I have absolutely no issue with them, but I cannot wear a bikini in front of them. I tried to compromise with my SIL and wear something modest but still in the colour scheme, but she says I am being homophobic and ruining the vibe of the party. She said if I can't wear a bikini, then I shouldn't bother being a bridesmaid at all.

"My husband said I need to do whatever makes me feel comfortable, but my MIL (F62) is saying that I am driving a wedge in the family over nothing, and it isn't like I have never worn a bikini before and I can set aside my 'ideas' for one night. She said that they don't count as men under the Muslim definition because they are gay and won't look at me 'like that', and I am purposefully being difficult.

"My SIL has followed through with uninviting me over this, and said she'll never be able to see me the same way again because of my selfish behaviour. So, I come to the internet to ask if I am being an AH?"

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Response to the initial post

Overwhelmingly the internet had the OP's side -- making it clear they felt she was not the a--hole (NTA).

Many of the commenters were quick to point out "sexual orientation has nothing to do with gender identity" and that they felt "this isn't a homophobic issue."

In fact a great deal of commenters believed her in-laws were "being homophobic," noting "Gay men aren't no longer men just because they aren't interested in women."

While others focused on the bikini of it all, with one comment voicing: "Any person who insists that someone else has to expose more of their body than they're comfortable exposing is automatically the a--hole in the situation."

"I wouldn't wear a bikini and I'm an atheist," another noted. "Sorry SIL cares [more] about photo ops [than] friendships. Nta for not 'compromising' sucks that SIL is currently immature with her priorities on esthetics over company."

While yet another echoed: "NTA - I'm appalled by religions that dictate what a women can wear. But this isn't about me. Dressing modestly is important to you. Your SIL is doing the same thing that your religion is doing by dictating your dress - BUT, her rules make you uncomfortable. Why would she want one of her guests to be uncomfortable? You seem to be willing to find something that works and don't seem to mind that everyone else will be in bikinis (are the men going to wear bikini tops or does she make exceptions for them?), so I just don't see the big deal. You aren't being selfish, she is."

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Her follow-up responses to questions raised in the comments

  • Will the men be wearing bikinis? No, they will be in Speedos.
  • Will the party be in a public place? No, the bridesmaids have rented a private house with a pool area. As that is the case, I would have been happy to wear a bikini if a) there were only women in attendance, and b) I was not in any photos while wearing a bikini. I did discuss this with the bride.
  • Given the haram theme, how can you attend? I understand that drinking, gambling, etc are all haram practices. While I do not partake in any of these myself, I cannot control what other people do and I was not involved in deciding the theme. I would have been happy to attend sober and not partake in haram activities, which the bride also knows about. While I can understand this may make me seem like a spoilsport, the bride had no issue with this. The bride's only issue has consistently been that I am not wanting to wear a bikini despite the fact that her friends have no sexual interest in me.
  • How is this different from there being men around that I can't marry (i.e. no need to cover myself)? I choose to veil and dress modestly because of my personal dedication to my religion. I will not put that aside because of some loophole that says that because they are gay, we could not get married.
  • You are picking and choosing in your religion (not a question but a statement). Yes, I suppose that in some ways I am. I am a woman living in a Western country and I cannot live each day as if society around me were perfectly structured for my faith. I cover, I eat halal, I pray, and a number of other things, but sometimes we are thrown into unexpected situations and we need to adapt. That doesn't mean that I need to give up my faith, but I believe that Allah knows my intentions, and so long as I do my best to uphold the faith, then that is what I can do. In this case, I can still be involved in the festivities while being dressed modestly.
  • How can you be married to an atheist? As I said in my post, I converted during a very difficult time in my life. At the same time, I was married to my husband. I understand that it is a sin to be married to someone who does not share my faith, but this man has been someone who has been my rock and has stood by me through thick and thin. While he may not be Muslim, he has a good heart and we love and need each other. There is much more at play here than a simple black and white, and I am not willing to either divorce him or force him to convert when he doesn't want to (which would be a horrible thing to do, and is also considered a sin). As much as I appreciate him being understanding and considerate of my faith, I owe it to him to show his religion (or lack thereof) the same consideration and respect.
  • How can you be around these non-Muslim people, and people who are committing sin (i.e. drinking, gambling, etc)? I would like to unequivocally say that I have no issue with what other people do with their lives as long as they aren't hurting someone else. I am not here to force my religion or beliefs on anyone else, and I can have friends who have different beliefs. Please do not assume that I hate the other girls for choosing to dress immodestly, drink, and potentially gamble. In the same strain, I do not hate the gay men for being who they are. This post is not about me wanting to force others to change, this post is about me asking that I dress conservatively in line with my beliefs.
  • Are you radicalised? I included this in my question and answer section more as a joke than anything, there are millions (if not billions) of Muslims around the world, and most of them are good, decent people. While I can acknowledge that there are some dark aspects associated with my religion, I do not have anything to do with that, and we must remember that people can corrupt anything to align with their own agenda. Please stop sending me hateful messages.

    • She concluded by writing, "I hope that answers everything! There are a lot of comments and it is difficult to see everything."

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